My 2011 Awards – by Nana A Damoah

This is very eclectic. Enjoy and Happy New Year!

1. Most publicized jobs: FONKARites and GAMEists. The Yutong bus driver is a close third.

2. The most misunderstood statement: “2011 will be an Action Year.” Di Wo Fie Asem (DWFA) and All Die be Die are close (Courtesy Nana Kweku Ankobiah)

3. The most Seetay Waa (aka False hope) Project of the Year: STX Housing Project

4. The most anti-climax moment of the year: The revelation of the Rawlings tape on the Ya-Na killings. In an interview with Joy News on 13 June, the Attorney General, Martin Amidu said “The Rawlings’ Ya Na tape is useless.” According to him the so-called video evidence in the possession of the Attorney General is an interview session between Victor Smith and one claiming to be a cousin of the Ya-Na. “So if there is any tape in the possession of my office it is a tape of an interview between Victor Smith and this gentle man. It is not a tape of what happened on the precise day and time which will give a clue to somebody doing something or saying something or not. It is a tape of something narrated to Victor by someone who claims to be there. That tape cannot be direct evidence in a court of law.”

5. The most consistent utility company: Electricity Company of Ghana (ECG). You could always count on them to disappoint. (They maintained it from last year). Jointly nominated: Ghana Water Company. The Kufour/Mills gallons came back with full force.

6. The most popular new word: FONKAR. Wayome is a close second.

7. The most popular passengers: those in Teye Nyaunor’s Yutong bus story.

8. Most popular make of bus: Yutong. Was even likened to Ghana (still reigning from last year)

9. The most popular social commentator: Dela Cofie.

10. The busiest service unit: Ghana Fire Service. The success rate was, however, low. This year, they got some new equipment. Hope they can now fight fire above four stories.

11. The most silent politician: Dr. Edward Mahama (maintained the position from last year).

12. Political victory of the year: Samia Nkrumah elected Chairperson of CPP.

13. Political loss of the year: Nana Konadu Agyeman Rawlings. Her aides accused President Mills of earmarking 90 million Ghana cedis for the FONKAR-GAME contest, and ended up getting 90 votes, representing 3.1%. (Courtesy Dela Kobla Nyamuame)

14. Critic of the Year: J J Rawlings.

15. The most popular abbreviation: DWFA.

16. The most talked about commodity: Oil.

17. NGO of the Year: PNC. Ooops, it is a political party, I forgot.

18. The busiest actor and actress: Agya Koo and Kyeiwaa.

19. The promise most expected to be fulfilled: “2011 is a Year of Action.” (Last year, it featured thus: “The most soothing and well-received political promise: “2011 is a Year of Action”. We had been expecting that statement for two years. Better late than never.”)

20. The most listened-to politician: JJ Rawlings. Everyone listens to his speeches, even when some know they may not like what he says (maintained from last year).

21. Biggest Prank of the Year: The world was coming to an end (Courtesy Winfred Edem Ofori). According to Yvonne Amenuvor, the biggest idiots in Ghana were those who actually believed the same prank when it was predicted to happen again in November, on 11.11.11

22. Phrase of the Year: All Die be Die, made by Nana Addo-Dankwa Akufo-Addo. (Courtesy Sunday Aderemi). A close second was the statement by Baba Jamal, “If it is a sheep, you can say it is a cow”, in his interaction with staff of the Information Services Department. Nana Konadu A-Rawlings’ “BE BOLD” is worthy of mention.

23. The most popular Movie of the Year: Attah the Mortuary Man.

24. The most inconsistent reason for an action: Baba Jamal giving alternative reasons for the seizure of copies of Attah the Mortuary man movie.

25. The most anticipated death (Africa): The most anticipated death (Africa): Brother Muammar bin Mohammad bin Abdussalam bi Humayd bin Abu Manyar bin Humayd bin Nayil al Fuhsi Gaddafi.

26. Team of the year: Wa All Stars.

27. The most scarce product: LP gas (still reigning).

28. My inspirer of the year: Bright Simons

29. Entertainment fad (and dance of the year): Azonto (Courtesy Genevieve Parker).

30. Discovery of the Year: Sodium Bicarbonate (Courtesy Kwame Akpesey)

31. Most rewarding career of the year: Financial Engineer (Courtesy Kwame Akpesey)

32. Absentee worker of the year: The Speaker of Parliament (won last year as well).

33. Most forgotten Prophet of the Year: Prophet Segbene Xenodzi, the FONKAR prophet, who prophesied that NKA Rawlings would beat Uncle Atta hands down (Courtesy Kofi Yankey)

34. Joke of the Year: ICC asking the new Libyan Government to investigate the murder of the Brother Gaddafi (Courtesy Kwabena Agyapong Asare)

35. Sportsman of the Year: Dede Ayew. He was consistent with club and country, active in the Champions League and winner of the BBC African Footballer of the Year.

36. Arrest of the Year: Arrest of former Ivorian President Laurent Gbagbo in a bunker.

37. Comedian of the year: Kwame Dzokoto – he had a laughter wand with which he turned on Tuesdays, Wednesdays evenings on TV3 and “Kumasi” movie voice overs (Courtesy Francis Kennedy Ocloo). Funny Face in Trotro was close, very close.

38. Miracle of the year: transforming Cocaine into baking power (Courtesy Nana Kweku Ankobiah). Followed closely by Baba Jamal’s report that President Mills raised his hands over flood waters and caused them to recede miraculously.

39. Facebook Group of the Year: Dummy’s Guide to Ghanamanisms (DGG) [Courtesy Nana Kweku Ankobiah]

40. The Most Publicised Spiritual Duel: Between Obinnim and Ebenezer

41. The most debated word: Collateralization.

42. “Agyeeeeiiii” moments of the year: Continual postponement of launching of GLO in Ghana (Courtesy Dela Kobla Nyamuame).

43. Most Absurd Group of the Year: Unemployed Graduates of Ghana (UGAG). What happens when their executives get employed?

44. Boxer of The Year: Bukom Banku. He is also a ‘hactor’.

45. Most awkward and embarrassing moment of the Year: The minister of health going on sick leave in the middle of Doctors’ strike, only to be found campaigning in his constituency. His explanation was that he was on sick leave and his doctors had asked him to exercise (Yvonne Amenuvor). This is closely followed by the correction that President Mills didn’t graduate from the University of Legon with a first class, as put forward by Baba Jamal.

46. Most truly hilarious statement of the Year: ‘I understand England is on fire.’ President Mugabe’s reaction to the London riots in August (Yvonne Amenuvor)

46. Most Romantic Laughter of the Year: President Mills’ laughter on Asempa FM, in response to the allegation that he had budgeted 90million GH cedis for his flagbearership campaign (Courtesy Richard Billy Hanyabui)

47. Best Acronyms of the Year: FONKAR (Friends of Nana Konadu Agyeman Rawlings) and GAME (Get Atta Mills Endorsed) [Courtesy Richard Billy Hanyabui]

48. Mining Area of the Year: The Elmina Beach front, gold.

49. Toll Collectors of the Year: The Ghana Police Service (Courtesy Jacob Nana Dapaah)

50. Tourist of the Year: Nana Akufo-Addo, on his Listening Tours