Single And Searching – By Worlanyo Adzimah
Most women (of dating age) have answered their relationship status as “single and searching” for quite a long time. It has not only become frustrating, it has developed into desperation for some. For others, they say they are not frustrated but rather “worried/concerned”. Whatever it is, the everyday life of most of such women is always controlled by the desire to have a man they can also call their own.
In fairness, some are only “single” and not really searching. (They live by faith and hope that “The right man will come and take me for who I am”.)
For others too in this group, it is a conscious decision to remain single. Some reasons could be attributed to this decision. A woman who was once married and had to go through a painful divorce will not look to get married again in a hurry.
Others too, disappointments and broken hearts have caused them to think twice about starting a new relationship and subsequent marriage. I believe such women are not opposed to the idea of relationships in anyway. If they meet someone who makes them feel that being married is better than their freedom and the luxuries of their single life, then they would consider entering into a relationship again.
A woman enters into either a short-term, medium term or a long-term relationship.
A short-term relationship involves a guy who meets a woman at a joint, or gives a lift by the roadside. (In fact, they could meet anywhere). They exchange numbers, and fix a date night. Depending on how well the guy convinces the woman, she goes with him to his house/hotel, and there! A relationship is started. (For the record, these women are not prostitutes). This only grows into a long-term relationship for a very few people. Sadly, it’s only the woman who sees this to be a “mistake” (thus only when the relationship fails). But for the man, it’s a “big plus” for “nailing” it on a first date. (He even wishes he could update his CV). This could go between short to medium term, depending on the “terms of agreement”.
Generally, I think men enjoy short term relationships more than women do. (Thanks to the women who make it possible) And on the other hand, women are more interested in relationships which could go on the long term (or even short term) so long as it will end in marriage. But sadly for women, most of them don’t get it so because men have capitalized and taken advantage of their gullibility, and desperation. (Sorry ladies)
On the other hand, most men want marriage too. But what holds them back is the insecurity experienced in a relationship. This is more importantly so because what serious-minded-men usually look out for in women (at first sight) is either hard to find or not there at all. I worry more for ladies who are of age but don’t find the right men than I worry for men of the same age.
Women have failed to adjust to the new hyper-competitive dating environment that exists today.
A lot of the traditional rules of courtship no more exist. Women don’t agree they have to do things differently to attract and maintain a long-term relationship with a man. Women want serious minded men to accept them “for who they are”. Forgetting that “some things” can’t enter marriage, but are rather enjoyed in or after marriage.
I don’t intend to be judgmental. In my last write up -“indecent exposure
”, I expressed concern about the complete disregard of morality and desire to copy and this women do blindly when they dress provocatively, exposing the vital and best part of their beautiful bodies. Women don’t only dress provocatively; some have multiple piercing on various visible parts of their bodies, etc.
These piercing and scanty dressing looks very good on most of them. (Especially fair colored women). Men enjoy watching in excitement. But ladies, I have news for you- Men pause/stop thinking with their “responsible caps” on about marriage and even medium term relationships is the last thing that comes to mind when you appear the way you do. All they think about is to get “naughty” with you like your dressing style.
It is only when you meet some “yankee breed” then you might get lucky to be “considered”. (Even that is like a one in a hundred. So if you intend to choose a yankee breed, brace yourself for you have a hard job to do.) But for that “true Ghanaian/African breed”, who is not of mixed race, you might have to rethink. Real men know a wife can cook, clean, run a household efficiently. She is always about her business. A real man looking for a wife will always test a woman to see if she is a wife material.
Another traditional rule which has either faded or fading in a hurry is sex in relationships. There’s no doubt about it. Men love sex in a relationship more than women do. (Except for one or two exceptions). Some men think they wouldn’t survive in a relationship without sex. Women give up sex too quickly and easily. (I think). But what men have failed to do (because they don’t want to be denied) is not telling women how much they wish to be married to a virgin- To have sex only after marriage. For the men, it’s the “soul is willing but the body is weak”. They have given up on self control.
Ladies, truth is, most men take pride in marrying virgins. And this is part of the reasons they wouldn’t cheat on you after marriage. One of my married male friends told me “I find it difficult to cheat on my wife because she was still a virgin when we got married. If it hadn’t been the case, I wouldn’t think twice at all cheating on her”. Ladies, remain strong in your beliefs. Hold true to your religious and personal values. If your man doesn’t share in your values then you must know something is missing between you two.
Ladies should also encourage their men to wait and be steadfast
Truth is, sex before marriage is difficult and sometimes painful. But at the end, both of you will be happy you did. I think if two people are able to wait and not have sex while they are dating, they have a sex-filled Marriage life. They experience a special and an incredible wedding night and marriage becomes meaningful. They experience a deeper and more committed bond with their spouse. Finally, they become a great example to their kids.
In conclusion, as a teenager it is reasonably difficult to not have sex before marriage because most of what is prominent media shows is sex. Think about the movies, music videos, TV series and most magazines. They all sell sex. But then think about how you’ll feel afterwards. Will you want to go against your values whether religious, cultural, moral or personal? If you feel that you can live with yourself afterwards then know that it’s your choice. It’s your life. But you must live with the consequences of your own actions and decisions.