+ 233 Luv (Season I) – By Qouphy Appiah Obirikorang

Disclaimer: The writer would want warn all potential readers that any injury caused from reading this literary work as a result of compulsive laughter is solely the responsibility of the sufferer. The writer will not pay any compensation whether in cash, prayers or in kind to the affected victims.

The Good Book talks about three forms of love exhibited in the world. In GH, there are so many forms of love exhibited between friends, family members and lovers.

Bonjour Love – Love exhibited at Bonjour/ On-the-run. Normally showed by ladies and sparked by the sight of pizza and chicken grilled fried rice. Normally exhibited by the female species. Duration of such love is 2 hours.

Provision Store Love: Love displayed by men to daughters of women who own provision stores. Characterized by rampant stealing of items by the lady in love for the guy. Duration of such love is normally after brothers of the lady accost the guy and beat the devil out of him.

Hostel Love: Popular in hostels/halls of residences in tertiary schools. Exhibited by greedy guys who want free food. Involves no outing, movies etc, only eating at the ladies room and disappearing.

GMA Love: Love displayed during the season of Ghana Music Awards. Noted for this crime is the female specie.

Bo me ka Love: Foolish love displayed by “boggas” and expatriates. A way of raising the bar for local men.

Campus Love: “affectionate” love displayed by undergrads. Life span is between 1-4 years. Involves excessive spending of Government approved SSNIT Loans. Affected partner (especially males) tends to sell personal belongings such as computers, flash drives and sneakers to support this type of love.

Charismatic Love: firebrand type of love where the potential male is forced to join a department in the church just to woo the lady. Notable departments include Choir, Offertory counters, bass guitar players and “konka” players.

Give-Me-Lift Love: Displayed by wily females. They waylay innocent men into offering them lifts and ask for their cell phone numbers. The male feels excited about his new friendship. Wily ladies only call the men if they are stuck in traffic. Duration of such love is 2 weeks and the men find out that they are fake.

BB/WhatsApp Love : Most infatuation by boys and girls who see boys/girls with attractive pleasures on BlackBerry or other social media platforms. Usually the boys show off their chest or a lot of their naked body while the girls show a lot of flesh. Most of the ladies are in for the fun while the boys continuously dream of hitting it.

Fat wallet Love: Instantaneous love developed by ladies upon sight of men’s fat wallets. Fat wallet mistaken to be loaded with cash but unfortunately wallet is just bulky from newspaper clippings and complimentary cards.

DSTV Love: another form of instant love developed by ladies upon visiting guy’s room to find out he has DSTV, comfy furniture and lives in a chamber and hall. Begins with the lady bringing a personal item (briefs, brassieres and other items) per day. Within a month, she has finally moved in.

To k3sie Love: Love developed by men for big booty. Curable by severe and repetitive slaps. Victims are normally in a trance upon seeing the big booty.

BK Love: also known as the Blue Kiosk love. Love shared amongst drunkards. Only curable in the sober state.

Higher Learning Love: Love developed by SHS girls for guys in tertiary schools. Starts with motivational speeches to the SHS girls by wily tertiary boys. Degree pursued by the man is of no importance (whether Animal Husbandry)

Ama K))k) Love – This love is usually for men who will give their lifetime savings for a woman because she is fair in complexion. They believe such women are visible in bed even when the power goes off during action.

Estate Love: love shared between boys and girls growing up in residential areas. Characterized by sheer nonsense talks and display of household items such as Playstations, cars, plasma TVs etc.

Wura Wura Love: Love developed for sellers (waakye wura, omo tuo wura, bayir3 wura, ankaa wura etc)

Ataa Maame Love: Love displayed in local GH movies. Characterized by silly laughter and tapping of the woman’s bums.

Anadwo Yede Love: Cheap love displayed over cell phones after 12AM.

Sogakofe Love: Love developed at Sogakofe Health Spa during a holiday retreat. Notable culprits include ladies. Duration of such love is 2 weeks.

Brothers Love: Love developed for a close male friend’s kid sister. Characterized by backbiting, back-stabbing and name calling by the affected friend. Worse if the other friend is a womanizer. Curable by placing a curfew on the kid sister in love.

Amadaa Love: a.k.a nkwasia dor! Love curable by suicide. People normally affected are the men. Suicide include either jumping from a tall building or hanging oneself. Suicide note left behind always full of grammatical errors and exclamation phrases such as “oh Natasha why??”

Atakpame Love: Love between men and women who study Arts as a major. Characterized by playfully smearing mud on each other.

PS: Time is due for my annual psychiatric review at Ankaful Psychiatric Hospital. No cause for alarm!!

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