How To Insult an African and Get Away With It! – By Graham Knight

I’ve found out how to insult an African. Not only that, but how to insult them and have them agree! It’s not that I’m deliberately setting out to insult anyone. It’s just that insulting them is the only way I know. So I’m writing this in the hope that someone can help me stop. Maybe that person will be you?

What is strange is that the more I insult them, the more they applaud me! I’ve even started to wonder if they even realize they are being insulted. It all boils down to a problem with my language, you see. I just don’t have the words to be polite. In fact, the only reason I can get away with it is because a trick has been played and the African lost. I wonder if they are even aware of this. The trick put certain concepts in place which enabled them to enjoy my insults. When I insulted my friend he said I was telling the truth. Is this really the case?

Well, if you are an African, get ready because I’m going to start the insults. If you’re of a nervous disposition you should stop reading now! I’m going to fire them off like bullets from a machine gun. But please understand. I can’t help myself because these are the only words that I have. But I’m digressing again. Let me get on with it. OK. Here goes…

“Third world, developing, undeveloped, backwards, primitive, HIPC (oh, I think that one got a response), unadvanced…”

wait, let me stop there. I could continue but I must restrain myself.

I’m sorry I had to do that. Please forgive me. I just don’t know how else to talk about Africa. I have no other language and no other words.

If someone said this to me I would be angry. I would ask them, “By whose definitions do you judge? Who sets the criteria that allows you to say these things? Just because I do not follow your road does not mean I am not progressing. What is your definition of progress?”. But the trick, to persuade the African to accept someone else’s yard-stick and use it as their own, has made everything else possible.

So, my faithful reader, please help me stop insulting my African friends. Tell me…what other words can I use when I talk about Africa?