Kubolor’s Meat And Two Veg! – By Alba K Sumprim
I’m so glad I wasn’t one of the many who had their human rights infringed upon. Yuk, the sight of Kubolor’s hairy bits must have made many a person regurgitate the contents of their stomach. For goodness sake, what gave Kubolor the impression that anyone in their right mind would want to see his mangy meat and two veg? Only in Ghana, and only in the gaga world of Ghanaian TV land where mediocre presenters insist on stroking the egos of the folk who insist on calling themselves stars. I use the word ‘stars’ with much trepidation. Eeeew!
Once again, for those of you who didn’t read about the dreary yawnfest at the myjoyonline website, and before I continue, you didn’t miss much; the story to the best of my knowledge goes something like this.
TV3, ‘first in news, best in entertainment, and now(apparently) free porn showing’ Network apologized for what it described as the indecent exposure of one of its guests on the interview programme of Ghana’s ‘media mogul’(and I say that with tongue firmly wedged in cheek) Delay. Yes, that interview programme where the hostess asks controversial and daring questions; the type to titillate a nation that goes weak at the knees at the slightest whiff of sex.
The crime of indecent exposure committed on the Delay show was of such magnitude that TV3 were left with no choice but to suspend the show from its network. Suspended as opposed to banned, huh? Hmmm! Now, for those of you who have difficulty with the definition of the word ‘suspend’, replace it with, to cause to cease temporarily; postpone action on; to debar temporarily.
The emphasis here is on the word ‘temporarily’, meaning, that in a nation where the vast majority suffer from the debilitating disease of short memories, we should be seeing Delay back on our screens in, say, a couple of weeks where ‘stars’ wanting to achieve ‘controversial’ status would be queuing up to offend our sensibilities. But then, Wanlov Kubolor is already a controversial musician, isn’t he?
So, what happened? And be thankful that the good Lord spared your innocent eyes from witnessing the traumatizing scenario. Delay, being the controversial hostess and media mogul she is, wanted to know ‘for the salvation of humankind’ if, and I quote myjoyonline, ‘it was true that the mythical musician truly walked around town barefooted with a piece of rag wrapped around his waist with no underwear on.’
Kubolor, who is not only controversial but has also, according to myjoyonline, managed to achieve mythical status couldn’t simply do the monotonous thing of saying a simple ‘yes.’ Surely, if he had, Delay, also being controversial would have egged him on to whip it off, which he did. ‘To prove it was true, Wanlov stood up, lifted the piece of rag around his waist with his hairy genitals dangling live on the show.’
‘Dangling,’ I couldn’t have said it better myself. I don’t know if the writer of the myjoyonline article wanted to use the word mythical or mystical, but whichever of the two it was, none of them apply to Wanlov Kubolor.
As was to be expected, TV3 was heavily criticized (by whom?) for airing the
show but Wanlov has shown no remorse. And why should he? A few months ago at one of those Alliance Francaise events organized by those apparently at the forefront of independent and underground music, the one and only Wanlov (good grief, there cannot be two) lifted the piece of rag around his waist with his hairy genitals dangling live on stage. Yes, he flashed the audience, who didn’t even bat an eyelid.
The show was apparently so unexciting that many who had parted with their ten Ghana Cedis to attend behaved as if they had been dragged there under duress. Wanlov, probably trying to spice up the event as his performance was going down like the Titanic, then lifted that piece of rag around his waist exposing his mangy meat and two veg and all he got for his efforts was a yawn. Second time around and he’s received the response he didn’t get the first time.
What I don’t understand is why so many of our musicians don’t simply rely on the quality of their music instead of resorting to cheap tricks? Well, I do actually. It has a lot to do with the words, ‘talent,’ ‘lack’ and ‘of.’ Since we’ve shown a weakness for mediocrity, none of this should come as a surprise to any of us. Oh, Ghana.
‘A statement issued by TV3, Monday apologized for the inconvenience the airing of the programme may have caused its cherished viewers. The statement explained that the station showed an edited version of the interview . . .’ wait a moment, so does that mean Wanlov’s dangling meat and two veg was edited out? If so, and TV3 didn’t show that bit of ugly free porn, what the hell is all the hoopla about? ‘. . . adding however that the unedited version of the show somehow sprang up on social media.’
‘Somehow sprang up’, ha, ha, haaa, don’t make me laugh. It didn’t spring up, it was purposely put up to provoke this silly reaction it’s been getting. ‘Somehow sprang up’, indeed! The conspiracy theorists amongst us would go as far as suggesting that TV3 put the footage online to pull in some more ratings. Who knows?
‘Although TV3 showed the edited version on March 10, 2012, the content regrettably did not conform to TV3’s content policies and procedures.’ If the content didn’t conform to TV3’s content and policies procedure, how on earth was it aired? Or was it because, along with most television stations seemingly not having a programme continuity policy, they also don’t have people who preview programmes brought to them by external production houses. I have been at least one television station when a programme was brought in for airing ten minutes before it was supposed to be aired.
The TV station aired the programme without knowing the contents or the quality. If a television station claims to have a contents policy procedure in place then I’d also presume that one of the items in the policy would demand that independent production houses bring in their programmes to the station lets say 48 hours before it is aired, giving the station the opportunity to review the programme and request that the parts that don’t comply (if there are any) with their contents policy be edited appropriately or the programme would be cancelled. Does that make sense?
In the same way, I believe this should be part of the regulations television stations have to adhere to, I also believe that radio stations should have a five to ten second delay policy enforced on live ‘call in’ programmes to cut out assault on our ears. If they won’t do that, then there should be a policy that those who use abusive or inflammatory language should be apprehended and given a warning by the police. Most of our mobile phone numbers can now be traced, it shouldn’t be that difficult to track down those who want to endanger this peace we keep fighting, praying and fasting so hard for.
After that commercial break, back to Wanlov and his dangling hairy bits. I love that word, ‘dangling’, it is so visual. What I don’t get is why TV3 is getting their knickers in a twist and issuing statements that don’t seem to make much sense, or is it to be attributed to how the article was written for myjoyonline?
‘However an unedited version of similar video has been circulated over the internet attributing the indecent exposure of the guest to our network. Although the two videos are slightly different TV3 acknowledges that it erred in allowing the video on our network and do apologise to our numerous viewers for the embarrassment.
‘The statement further posited that the Delay show is an independent production and not produced by TV3. The statement said the network takes the issue very seriously and has suspended the programme with immediate effect.’ I wished it had said ‘with immediate alacrity.’ So, this very serious issue warranted just a ‘suspension’ because I’m presuming if media mogul Delay, her posse and a few elders from the village beg TV3 enough, ‘yesre mo, we won’t do it again,’ then the suspension may be lifted and the advertising revenue can continue rolling in. Ghana paaaaa!
When it comes down to the bare essentials (couldn’t resist that) Wanlov’s meat and two veg weren’t actually shown on TV3, it was edited out before going to the TV station who didn’t preview it to know the contents before airing it and infringing on their in-house contents and policies procedure – effectively, they were caught with their pants down! Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Anything to get attention, ei?
For those of you with the taste of a one star motel room, the director’s cut is making the rounds on the internet. Just don’t do it after you’ve eaten.