I Want to Marry a Comfort Ocran! – Manasseh Azure Awuni

The Italian Premier, Silvio Berlusconi, never misses an opportunity to stir controversy. In the opinion of his critics, controlling the restless devil between his thighs is more difficult than singlehandedly carrying a man with a broken waist. But that’s not my mutton.

My beef is his inability to tame the unpalatable utterances that escape his “vocal cavity,” as one of my seniors back at Krachi Senior High School preferred to call mouth. Senior Ntaba they called him. Ntaba Albert! 2004! All juniors feared Senior Ntaba.

Silvio Berlusconi is always in the news. The billionaire prime minister was rocked by sex scandal early last year. He also lost two teeth and went home with a fractured nose in December when a “mentally unstable” man hit him at a party rally in Milan. Recently he was in the news again.

Mr. Berlusconi is reported to have boasted at a youth rally how women were lining up to marry him “because I’m a nice guy, because I’m loaded, because I know how to deal with women.” Silvio Berlusconi, who said in 2009 that he would never pay for sex because it dampens “the pleasure of the conquest,” encouraged ladies to marry the old and rich in society. Though the Prime Minister’s comments were taken as a joke, his lifestyle corroborated his critics’ treatment of those casual remarks as though they were a court ruling.

GBC Radio carried the story in their foreign news segment and domesticated the issue by speaking to a female marriage counselor. She condemned the practice which, to her, had become common in Ghana where cars and cash have become the motivating factors of relationships and “marriages.”

GBC Radio also sampled some women’s opinions on whether they would go for cash and cars or seek other qualities when considering marriage relationships. The views were divided and this piece is dedicated to those ladies who are parading all over looking for the already cooked “aben wo ha” men to marry.

I think wisest thing such ladies could ever do before jumping at those seemingly juicy opportunities, is to find out what those men really need. As for the source of that wealth, I reserve it for another day.

Men are the greediest creatures ever to exist on Oboade’s planet, and it is not surprising that after giving birth to two or three, such ladies ,whose beauty in their prime could cause a man to revoke a vow of celibacy, become housemaids. When a colleague asks, “How’s your husband doing?” their hearts beat.

“Our husband or my husband?” she would say in her mind and go ahead to say, “Hmmm, he’s fine.”

“Why? Is there any problem at home?” Women and curiosity!

“You know men and this their thing,” would come the reply.

“Oh my sister, don’t worry about it and die early. They are like that everywhere. Can you believe what I saw when I decided to read Andy’s text messages?…. I don’t know how God created them.”

How did God create them?
You went after the cash and he gave you the cash. You have a degree or even a PhD, but you’ve become a slave to wealth. You’re now his incubator and his cook. That’s how useful you are to him now. You should have asked what he wanted before running after him.

He saw your bewitching beauty and, like a butterfly, he wanted to perch on it. Those firm breasts that once stood at an angle of 90 degrees tempted him. They teased him. They tickled him. And those looks he gave you were not looks of admiration. They were lascivious looks. He wanted to see what lay between those enticing thighs you displayed, thanks to that skirt they call “mini”. And generously, you gave everything to him, in exchange for what you lusted after. Cash. Cars. And perhaps, looks and romance!

Now your body has lost its gracefulness. Those breasts that once stood defiantly on your dainty chest, like newly raised yam mounds, have fallen like empty sacks. With a tight-fitting bra and considerable amount of cushioning, they can only manage to lie at an angle of 30 degrees. Men (my good self precluded), are like butterflies and would like to perch on beautiful flowers all the time, you know? So where does he go?

Legon! Tech! Cape! Not long ago, I heard a news item that women in Wa were complaining about the rate at which UDS ladies were ruining their marriages.

So what type of ladies do serious men need as wives?

No man would like to marry a liability. Not me. And I’m a man, and serious about life. So I think. Love is the stupidest thing God ever created, but when it comes to marriage, security is superior. Everybody wants a helper, someone who can bring something onto the dining table. And when I pray that God should give me such a helper, I think of a real partner in wealth creation and the advancement of humanity. The type of woman that usually comes to mind is Mrs. Comfort Ocran. Please, someone out there should tell Albert that I’m only being Frank. I’m only 25 and “cannot” be a potential competitor, for Jesus Christ of Nazareth’s, sake. In fact they are my role models and the boy from Bongo is harmless. Allah knows I’m being honest and frank.

Albert and Comfort Ocran are a couple I admire and anytime the YPG of my church organises a programme and invites someone to talk to us about how to choose idle life partners, my mind usually wanders out of the church in search of a perfect couple. And I always settle on them. I have attended a number of seminars and talks by Mr. Albert Ocran and Mrs. Comfort Ocran (individually and together), and though I’m not oblivious of the fact that all marriages have challenges beyond what is presented to the rest of the world, the achievements of Albert and Comfort and how they impact the lives of the younger generation like myself, is phenomenal.

Their names have become household names and I believe strongly that, if they were put separately, they would not able to get to where they are now. If Albert had married a liability, and Comfort a wealthy “bully” I can bet my last pesewa that their potentials would have been stifled. To me, the two have truly given meaning to marriage. In Ghana, businesses are named like, “Amankwa Ventures” or “Koo Nimoh and Sons.” Wives don’t count and even if Koo Nimoh has five daughters and a son, the name still remains, “Koo Nimoh and Sons.” Mercy!

The couple I admire so much own a big business. Combert Impressions. Comfort and Albert. And when you take their best selling books, the author’s section bears the name Albert and Comfort Ocran. I wonder if they share the chapters and write together all the time. But, hey, what does the Holy Bible say! “The two shall become…”

So why am I prying into the lives of others when they are somewhere thinking about themselves?

The Senior Pastor of the Victory Bible Church, Rev. Tony Appiah once made a remarkable statement when the Ghana Institute of Journalism chapter of the Campus Christian Family invited him for a programme. He noted that most ladies of today, instead of fully utilizing their potentials, put a comma at the end and relax waiting for a man to provide the full stop.

But men have their needs. We’re also proud to be associated with women with names, achievers. Beauty has the ability to open doors, but it cannot keep the door open forever. Which man would not be proud to say My wife is the so-so-and-so minister? Or the CEO of that respectable organisation?

So?
Ladies beware! Cars are good. And cash brings comfort. But they are all temporal.

Ask us what we want. And I, the boy from Bongo where Albert Abongo is MP, will tell you what many of my colleagues say when we discuss ideal women for marriage:

“I want an intelligent, supportive, enterprising and visionary woman who will partner me to make an impact in live.”

Like Mrs. Comfort Ocran. But not her.
Those who have ears…

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