Not Exactly The News You Missed Episode (1) – Ayimadu Theduke Ofgh

Please give me your attention for these News items, my name is Kouame Nana of Dummy News Radio.dumb1

– Tilapia Chief Outsmarts Supreme Court Dramatists.
– Education Ministry and National Service Secretariat to the Rescue of MPs.

The Chief of Tilapia in the Fishing kingdom and head of the Erectile Commission, Nana Afari Gyan I has as requested from him by the Petitioners has filled an official response to the interrogatories of the latter which sought to reveal the volume of foreign domiciled Ghanaians that partook in the just held Elections in 2012.

On his behalf, his legal team revealed to the Supreme Court for the benefits of the sour Petitioners, the first batch of foreign Ghanaians that partook in the elections. According to his one page of two paragraphs response, His outfit registered an average of 50 tilapias from 15 Tilapia ponds spread within the country.

In one paragraph the EC sought to explain the reason behind his outfit’s registration of mere fishes to participate in the polls as just fair to the animals and also in consonance of the Rights and Liberties of the animals being the most consumed in modern Ghanaian setting. He made it known to the courts that since, those fishes live outside Ghanaian lands (infact in his waters) he deemed it fit to register them as foreign votes as prescribed by the law.

He however disclosed to the court that 28 of the tilapias are currently within police custody and when be made available to their count when the Police releases them on bail. Dummy News is keenly following the events at the court and shall keep you updated.

A press release which was just availed to us indicates that the Parliamentary Commission in conjunction with the National Service Secretariat will be organizing special English Classes for all freshly recruited legislators. According to the release signed by the Chief Clerk of the House, most of the GH¢7200 earning MPs speak English equivalent to that of Class one pupils in the 1990s era.

The release indicates that the Ministry of Education, National Service Secretariat and the Parliamentary Service Commission will be posting good English graduates under the National Service Scheme to assist each legislator in sharpening their diction. To the expectation of the drafters, this intervention will influence fluid debating and presentations within the house.

A footnote of the Release indicates that a Special English teacher will be employed for the Hon MP representing the people of Ada. The self-explanatory footnote indicates the severity of her linguistic woes. Dummy News learns that the problem went undetected by her constituents because all She had to do to win votes was chant: E dey beee k3k3 on political platform. We take this opportunity to urge members of Unemployed Graduates Association to seize this occasion to change their life status and as well, correct the woes of the politician.

The News was brought to you by kind courtesy of Panther Chocolate Condoms. Lets take a message from them, we will be back shortly.

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This is all we have for you in today’s bulletin, make a date with us same time, next week. Have a great week ahead.

Kouame Nana, 2013.

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